Shortly before Monica and I were wed, Patty had begun to date a guy by the name of Robert. I think the consensus among the whole family was that Robert was a pretty good guy. Patty seemed to like him quite a bit; her parents, by all appearances, took to him pretty well; and the children, Kaylee and Savannah, were nuts over him.

Robert is an underwater pipe inspector, and often travels across country to do his job. He leaves town for weeks, sometimes even months at a time. When he leaves, as would be expected, the girls and Patty miss him a great deal.

During one of these absent spells, Robert had spoken to Savannah over the phone, and during the course of their conversation, he had promised her that he would take her to McDonald’s when he got back.

Well, days and weeks went by, and the day that Robert was to return finally arrived. Patty was tidying the house up in preparation for Robert’s arrival, and Savannah seemed to be preparing for something as well. When Patty inquired what she was doing, Savannah replied, “I’m getting ready to go to McDonald’s with Robert.”

“McDonald’s?” Patty asked, “Did you ask Robert if he was going to take you?”

“No.”

“Then what makes you think he is?”

Savannah stuck her nose straight up and strutted off, saying, “Because, he promised me he was going to take me when he got back.”

Patty shouted down the hall after her, “Savannah, that doesn’t mean that Robert is going to take you the moment he gets back. He’s going to be tired, and will probably want to rest a day or two before he does anything.”

“No, Mommy,” Savannah replied, “He promised that he would take me, so I’m going to get ready.”

This conversation when back and forth for a bit. It didn’t matter what Patty said or how much she tried to reason with her, Savannah was insistent that Robert was going to take her to McDonald’s that very night.

So of course, when Robert arrived that evening, Savannah greeted him at the door, all dressed up and snazzy, ready for their “night on the town”. This was obviously a very big deal to her. This was her “Four Seasons”, her “La Grenouille”.

“I’m ready, Robert!” she exclaimed in musical form with a twirl and a curtsy.

“What? Uh, hello everyone…” the slightly perplexed traveller uttered as he closed the door behind him. “Ready for what, Savannah?”

“McDonald’s!” she exclaimed, “Don’t you remember!? You promised!”

“Oh,” it all came back to him. How could he forget that momentous vow, that solemn oath made to this noble damsel? “I remember now.”

Patty chimed in again, “Savannah, I told you that Robert was going to be tired. He’ll take you another night soon.”

“No!” Savannah yelled. Reminding them both again of exactly how the promise was stated, to the very letter, and clicking her shoe to the tile, she followed up her irrefutable dissertation with a very effective “…and I’m all dressed up!”

“It’s okay, Patty,” Robert said, “I don’t mind taking her.”

“No, Robert. You don’t need to give in to her.”

But there was obviously no turning back now. Savannah had caused the stronghold to teeter to and fro a bit; why not just put it to the ground and stomp it into the dirt while she had the momentum going? Gears began turning in her head, emergency protocol procedures began kicking into place, pulleys and tumblers rolled and flipped, red lights flashed and sirens sounded off… And so the crocodile tears and protruding bottom lip came forth like clockwork.

“No, really, Patty,” Robert replied. “I did make a promise to her, and I’m kind of hungry anyway. I don’t mind…really.”

Patty surrendered. She was now outnumbered, so there was hardly any point in continuing. “Okay, Robert. If that’s what you want.”

Savannah, on the other hand, was delighted. So delighted, in fact, that she must have felt obligated to offer her mother a consolation prize, as a token of peace and diplomacy. She approached quietly and took her mother’s hand into her own.

“It’s okay, Mommy. You can come, too!” Savannah grinned from ear to ear and batted her eyelashes, rubbing her mother’s hand consolingly. “But…” she interjected as a second thought, raising her eyebrows and erasing her smile, cocking her head slightly back and to the side, and pointing her finger firmly into the air, as if to make an important point…

“…You have to dress nice…and sit at a different table.”

I swear I’m not making this stuff up.